I apologize for not updating Lucky Monday regularly (and still being wretchedly absent from these forums!); my wife started college, I've been working overtime to keep the bills paid, and what precious freetime I have remaining has been spent on setting things up for the print release of the book (Arcadia Snips).

However, I'm happy to point out that it's now finished - I've approved the proof copy and the prints should be delivered in early September (mid-September at latest). With this in mind, pre-orders have now been opened; anyone who orders a book during the pre-order period gets a free randomly selected bookmark from the pile (or a particular one, if you contact us at store@steam-poweredpress.com and ask for it by name).

I'm planning on getting back to Lucky Monday; I've just had regular brain freezes and couldn't handle the weekly updates on top of the other stuff. I'll likely write the whole thing out soon and just post it in its entirety, or something similar.

Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 756 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 816
Ottens wrote:

My, this sure looks like good stuff, sir! As I said, it's good to have you back and see that Arcadia Snips is still going strong. I'll be sure to catch up on the already posted chapters though, dare I admit it, that Lucky Monday project might actually looks even a tad more interesting. Might I even call it "dieselpunk"? wink

More noir than anything, though the idea is to trace back all the way to steampunk, move through dieselpunk, and keep going to cyberpunk (Nikolai Tesla, the ghost of Mark Twain, and Amelia Earhart all make an appearance). It is an insane work of fanfiction.

Dr Damon Molinarius wrote:

Posted up on the blog

I am immensely appreciative - just one small aside! It's actually 'Arcadia Snips and the Steamwork Consortium'!

Ottens wrote:

I've a post written up about it too already, will be up tomorrow or the day after that.

Thank you, also!

Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 816

Er, I totally put this under the wrong category, didn't I?

...I did. Uh, right. Huh.

Would, uh, someone possibly be kind enough to move this to the correct category? Which I assume would be 'Emporium'...

...yeah, sorry about that.

Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 816

Good *gracious*, it's been a while since I've posted here.

My apologies for the no doubt intolerable absence; school, work, and production on the project (about which I am making this post) all forced me to stay away from the internets for an extended period of time. But I'm back, now, and I've got a book that I've been working on for little over a year to show for it.

http://arcadiasnips.com/arcadiatitle.png

Stolen from my own introduction:

     IN AN ERA of bygone anachronisms and steam-powered ambulatory engines, a sharp-witted street thief with a heart of semi-precious metal must match wits with a cryptic cryptozoologist, an amoral assassin, a masked menace, and a secret plot to bring the city she loves to its knees.

     Arcadia Snips and the Steamwork Consortium is both a cautionary tale against reckless mathematics and an accurate historical account all rolled up into one. In fact, the story is so accurate that you might consider it more a history lecture than an illustrated novel.

     Chapters are posted one by one every week on Monday until they’re all up; if you want to read the book before it’s completely online, we'll be soon making the physical copy of the book available for purchase - keep tabs on us and we'll tell you when!

In addition to this, I'm working on a second project - Lucky Monday - which is an insane work of ultimate fanfiction written in the style of hard-boiled noir. Which means it might interest people here:

http://www.arcadiasnips.com/luckymonday.png

Anyway, if I am breeching some form of etiquette by disappearing for so long and then coming back only to make my return post an inglorious, flagrant self-sell, then I heartily apologize and await the thorough digital floggings that will no doubt commence.

Oh, other reason I haven't posted here in forever - I lost my old email and webpage and couldn't figure out my password for this account. I just stumbled across my password file the other day, though. DESTINY!

Tally ho, and thanks for reading. I should be around a little more, now.

Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 756 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 816
Ottens wrote:

I'd say the quality of the story should be your first priority, not the size of it.  Fairly recently, I read Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea, which is a tiny little novel, but it won a Nobel Prize, eh.  Sure, a story can be too short, but perhaps more often, a story is just too long.  Don't try to lengthen it unnecessarily.

The only issue with that is that it's especially hard to publish novellas right now (anything under 70k, essentially), and if my goal is to get published, length is a serious issue. I completely agree that quality is always more important than length, and that a story should be only as long as it needs to be--but I've been given the strong impression that if I want to get it published, it needs to be significantly longer.

Thankfully, there are certain sections I excised in the first draft which can be added now (such as this whole Heap scenario) without coming off as over-abundant (or so I hope!).

Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 816

Ottens--Agree entirely on the 'too much discussion about cake' thing. Actually, that whole section was added as an afterthought to describe the cake committee more, but looking at it now, it's really a lamehanded attempt at exposition. I've taken it out, cutting down to the part where everyone starts screaming "CAKE!" (that's when Snips enters). I'll re-issue the discussion concerning cake (the ancient argument between vanilla or chocolate, and the sinful debauchery of those who would come back for seconds) somewhere later in the next few scenes.

I'm also playing with two alternatives to Snips' little spiel--one where she says what she just did, only in reduced form (it's the same thing, but much tighter), and one where she claims to be here to deliver some cake (and then runs). Basic point is, she wants to get everyone to leave the church so her pals can grab the airship.

Dr. Damon Molinarius: Thanks! I've received your email, and the errors you corrected are immensely appreciated; I'm actually startled at just how many errors I've made without realizing it (like I mentioned in the mail, I think that I get so used to my own errors that I stop seeing them).

As for where this (new) section fits in the story, it comes before the altercation on the train--when Miss Primrose and the assassin meet, the assassin (instead of leaving on his own) kidnaps her and leaves a fiendish message for Snips demanding that she come to recover the damsel at the top of the Heap's tallest cliff.

I've been thinking about the surname thing myself--I was wondering if it was a little distracting to sometimes switch from something like "Miss Primrose" to "Maria". The idea of using her first name to generate empathy (and also differentiate between when we're being silly, and when we're being serious) is a great idea, and I plan to hijack it and use it through the text later on (you all ready see a bit of that during the father-daughter scene, like you mentioned). The idea of certain 'cues' to help the reader learn when we're being silly and when we're being serious is something I'll want to think about more, too.

Thank you, both! This has all been very useful to me. Hopefully, the story's final rewritten parts should be finished by the end of this coming weekend (and ready for yet another proofreading on my part). So far, it looks like it's going to be 60k, although I'm ideally aiming for 70k words.

Thanks! I've all ready changed the 'relax' thing (I didn't like it myself in a revision), and part of my concern is that the conversation between the tribesmen is a little too overt.

And I also realize only now that I didn't post the whole thing. Here's the last part (it's the part I was worried went WAY too overboard):

~*~

    The old man was as ancient as the rock that surrounded him, and twice as haggard; his beard was so long it nearly dusted the floor, while his eyes shined with all the calculated brilliance of razorblades in an alleyway. When he spoke, the church congregation listened; when he shouted, the congregation whimpered.

    "And lo," he said, speaking in a voice that crackled like lightning. "In the beginning, there was only a great and pleasant darkness. And then the skies rumbled, and a voice came. And the voice spoketh: Let there be light."

    The men and women in the congregation cried out in fear. They knew about light, all right; they knew that they wanted nothing to do with it.

    The old man gripped the podium, leaning forward with a glare that could wilt dandelions at thirty paces. "And so did the Wicked One seek to lead us astray from the blessed darkness, with low premiums, and special interest rates, and a free toaster for every gas bill paid a month ahead of time--"

    The congregation wailed, bemoaning their foolish greed for gas-powered toasters. Arms were thrown into the air as dirty-faced children looked on in absolute confusion.

    "--and so did we fall for the Wicked One's honeyed words, and his insidious Platinium Payment Plan, and his free toasters; and so did we allow him to build his wicked gas pipes in our houses, and so did the righteous and mighty Lord smite us for his wickedness--"

    The cries reached a wild fury as the congregation rose to their feet. Men wept openly for their sins while women cried and clutched their husbands' shirts, burying their faces into their chests.

    "--but so did the Lord promise atonement and salvation for those who remained true to the lack of light. And so did he promise that for the faithful and meek, there would be cake!" the old man roared, pointing at the tattered leaflet that was stapled to the wall.

    "Cake!" The cry rose up, pushed on into absolute hysterics; women fainted while men fell to their knees, tears streaming down their cheeks. "Cake!"

    "But alas," the old man said, "There would be those who would hoard the cake, or quibble over whether it should be vanilla, or chocolate--or worse yet, cut in line for seconds--"

    Gasps of outrage filled the crowd, as if terrified at the mere possibility that someone could be so depraved.

    "--and so the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, saw fit to create a committee to determine what sort of cake it would be, and how it should be doled out--and so He charged us with the holy task--we, the Committee of the Cake!"

    It was at this precise moment that the front doors of the cathedral burst open.

    Every member of the crowd turned around to face the girl in the funny hat. And as they wore their expressions of confusion and befuddlement, Arcadia Snips cleared her throat and slid her arms behind her back.

    "Hi," she said, tilting her body to the side and assuming the most innocent expression she could manage. "Did someone mention cake? Because I was just passing by in my gas-powered wagon loaded up with piping for the new gas system I'm installing and I just wanted to pop in to mention how I accidentally ran over a cake-delivery cart. Sorry about that. Hey, am I interrupting something important?"

    Eyes narrowed. Teeth clenched. Men and women rose to their feet.

    Snips grinned--and proceeded to run like hell.

Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 816

Okay, I finished this part after I sent out the copies for review. So I'm looking for feedback on this part (also going to post it in a place or two for more feedback).


~*~
    Long before most people could remember, a gas fire had raged through one of the poorest sections of the city, tearing through the cheaply built slums as if they had been little more than oil-soaked kindling (surprise: they were!). Rather than deal with the rapidly growing inferno, the king at the time had ordered the entire area to be quarantined to prevent the crisis from reaching the upper ward. Walls were erected, bridges were cut off, and leaflets apologizing for for the inconvenience were dropped by hot-air balloons.
    A decade later, most of the smoke and screaming had come to a stop. A new king ordered the walls to be torn down and the bridges restored. A celebration was organized. There was to be cake.
    But rather than being greeted with flowers and cheers, the soldiers discovered that many of the prior inhabitants were quite miffed about the whole affair, and still held a bit of a grudge. After a decade of fire and isolation, several of them had gone mad.
    Following an unfortunate incident involving several soldiers, a sausage grinder, and a new-and-improved cake recipe, the king and his advisors determined that the people inside the district were not yet ready to rejoin society. The walls were re-erected, the bridges re-cut, and new leaflets promising they'd make another go at it in a decade or so (also, this time, there'd be proper cake, and not that cheap stuff they tried to foist on the survivors last time) were dropped.
    And that was how the smoldering slag known as the Heap came to be.
    Nowadays, the Heap was for people who found the occasional presence of a wandering policeman in the Rookery to be overbearing. It was a place where the law was whatever you happened to be hollering while holding a very large stick--and it was a place where those skilled in violence could go far.
    The fact that the assassin lived on its tallest peak did not speak in Snips' and William's favor.
    They slipped in through a crack in the wall guarded by men not paid enough to care. At once, the stench seized their noses in its fists; William retched and even Snips grimaced.
    The streets were mostly intact, although the buildings that flanked them were burnt out husks. Even stone buildings had crumbled under the heat of the long-dead fire; there was little left but broken glass and the charred skeletons of once-prosperous businesses.
    William instinctively drew closer to Snips, who seemed to project a sense of fearlessness into the grim desolation. "My God," he said, not daring to speak over a whisper. "People live here?"
    "Not many of them are really people anymore," Snips said. "Stay close. Watch your step. Sometimes, they set traps."
    "To what end?" William asked.
    "Food."
    "But what manner of animal would--oh. Oh, dear," William said, growing pale with the realization.
    "Like I said," Snips explained. "Not really people anymore."
    Something scurried in the shadows of a nearby building; William gave a jump. "Perhaps we should have brought a pistol."
    "Relax," Snips said, and then there was a distant howl. "Uh, maybe."
    "We could run back and fetch one," William said, but then there was a cacophony of whoops and hollers. A creature sprang from the scorched shingles of a hollowed out tavern and landed in front of them.
    The thing was human, or humanoid at least; its dark skin was bare save for a pair of tattered leather chaps and long streaks of paint and mud. Around its waist and through its hair were tied strings of feather and bones; over the upper half of its face was a brilliant orange coyote mask, its eyes flashing behind it like coins catching a fire's glow. On top of the scraggly mane of its hair was a top hat. It landed in a crouch, keeping hunched over as it lifted its head to look at them both. And then it grinned.
    Its teeth resembled a platter of steak-knives.
    "BOOGEDY BOOGEDY BOO!"
    William shrieked and leapt back, scrambling for cover. Snips caught him by the collar and dragged him forward.
    "Don't scare the tourists, Jack," Snips said.
    Jack laughed; it was guttural and strange. He thrust his head towards the panicking William, sniffing. "Interesting meal. But why is it wearing perfume?"
    "That's soap, you mutt," Snips fired back. "And he's not your dinner. He's with me."
    "Oh. Has the fair Lady Snips finally found the dashing knight who can tame her savage heart?" Jack cackled.
    William was still flailing in a useless attempt to get away. Snips gave him a hard shake and grunted. "As I remember, the last man to try and 'tame' me ended up with six inches of iron in his belly."
    Jack smiled. "I still have the scar."
    Snips leaned forward, dropping her lashes low and smiling back. "Would you like a matching set?"
    "There's more of them!" William cried. Indeed, Snips and William were surrounded; a legion of men and women adorned in tattered clothes and war-paint were swelling up around them, emerging from behind rubble and rock.
    Snips never batted an eye. Jack met her, stare for stare, tooth for tooth. "Why have you intruded on my lands, Lady Snips? This is not your territory."
    "A man has kidnapped someone I know," she said. "He's taken her to the highest peak in the Heap. I want her back."
    Several of the people who had appeared now drew back. Jack gnashed his teeth. "Him," he snarled, then threw his head back and howled. A few people joined him, although none could match the savagery and volume.
    "Friend of yours?" Snips asked.
    "He came a month ago, claiming the peak for himself. He killed any who came near," Jack growled.
    "Sounds like a dashing fellow."
    "As always, you have chosen difficult prey, Lady Snips," Jack said. "He will give you trouble."
    William had started to calm down. At this comment, he directed his attention to Snips. "Who is this man?"
    "City-dweller," Jack said, addressing William. "What is your name?"
    William was given a fright. "William Daysdale, sir."
    "Lord Daysdale," Jack said, bowing with mocking reverence. "Praytell, how will you defeat your foe?"
    "Ease off on him, mutt," Snips replied. "He's had a rough night. As for our problem, I just need a half-decent air balloon. Doesn't need to fly far, just straight. Know where a girl could pick one up this time of night?"
    Jack laughed. "The Committee has one."
    "The Committee," Snips said, sighing. "It'd have to be them, wouldn't it?"
    "I will help you acquire your chariot, Lady Snips, but beyond that you must fend for yourself."
    "What's your price?"
    "Remove the man from my lands," Jack said. "Permanently."
    "Done."
    Jack threw his head back yet again, laughing and whooping in a display of apish jubilation. His followers did much the same, until the street was filled with a furious clamor; when he looked back at Snips, his eyes were gleaming. "A pleasure to hunt with you again, Lady Snips."
    "Let's just get this over with," she said.

~*~

    "Who are these people?" William asked in a hushed voice. "How do you know them?"
    "Blundered in here when I was just a kid," Snips said, picking her way through the rubble with William trailing behind. "Jack found me. Tried to make me his bride."
    "What?!" William had to strangle his voice, lest he draw the attention of the tribesmen around him. "I mean--I beg your pardon?"
    "He always has had a thing for me," Snips said. "I don't know why."
    "Wait, he did this when you were a child?" William asked. "How old is he?"
    "Don't know. Don't think anyone knows," Snips replied. "He's been here ever since the Heap started--and I remember reading something about him being around even before that."
    "Who are these people who are following him?"
    "I don't know," Snips said. "There's all sorts of people here--beggars, bankers, merchants. I guess some people need to embrace something mad to express themselves."
    "If I may interject," a man wearing a strap of hide around his shoulder and waist said, jogging to catch up with the two of them. "I myself joined up because of the exceptional realism in their portrayal of pre-historic man. I'm a huge fan of the era of pre-history--"
    "Oh, yes," a woman in war-paint carrying a nasty sort of club agreed. "And, you know, what Jack is doing is absolutely wonderful--rejecting the tyranny of mainstream culture and capitalism--"
    "Rejecting mainstream culture? That's not what this is about! It's about authenticity and reverence concerning tribal life--"
    "Yes, and his rejection of the evils of an industrial society!" The woman excitedly exclaimed. "To think, we're emulating the very first anarchists--"
    "What the blazes are you talking about, woman?" The man shouted. "There wasn't any industry to rebel against! Just rocks! You can't rebel against rocks! This movement is about wearing the right set of clothes--"
    "Well," a third member of the group said, "being an archeologist myself, I feel it necessary to point out that pre-historic man never wore a shoulder strap like yours--"
    "I think we've started something horrible," William whispered.
    "Quiet," Jack hissed, clenching his fist and lifting it high. Everyone present went as silent as the dead. The coyote-faced leader of the pack crouched low, grinning back at Snips.
    Snips crept forward with William, eyeing the cathedral that lay in a scorched valley beneath them.
    "You think these guys are crazy?" Snips asked, throwing a thumb back at the tribesmen. "Wait till you get a load of the Committee."

Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 756 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 811 Deprecated: Function create_function() is deprecated in /customers/e/e/2/ottens.co.uk/httpd.www/lounge/include/parser.php on line 816

9

(98 replies, posted in The Diogenes Club)

Ottens wrote:

I liked V vor Vendetta all right, as a film in itself, however as an "adaption" of the original graphic novel, it was... not so good.

Not to hijack the thread, but my main problem with that movie was the portrayal of V as a heroic character. V isn't heroic; he's a monsterous sociopath. He even says so himself.

So, okay. I'm finished the book.

Well, not really--there are craploads of edits I need to make. And it's only 35,000 words as of right now (after I'm done, I expect it to go to 40,000; there's a whole section I took out that I'm considering re-adding). But as of now, it's a cohesive story with a beginning, middle, and end.

So I'm looking for proto-readers--proof-readers who can read it and tell me what's good about it and what isn't so good (preferably at great length, and in considerable detail). But since this is a copy that's pretty near the finished draft, I have reservations about sending it off to strangers; thusly have I come here!

A few things, though--since I'm asking you to do me a favor (a pretty big one, too), I appreciate any feedback; regardless, I'm looking for something pretty thorough here. If your plan is to read it and say "Very nice! I liked it a lot", I'd rather save you the effort--I need to understand *what* you liked about, and what you didn't, so I can build a coherent idea of what's working in the story and what isn't.

Anyone who's interested, feel free to email me (PM!) with a request. PMing here probably won't work since I can't send files over the email system here, and there's no way for me to figure out your email from the PM system.

Thanks!